Top tips to avoid tipping

Tipping.Always a contentious topics wherever keen cruisers gather to chat. Should I tip, shouldn't I?
Should I pre-pay them, should they be added at the end of my cruise?
Should I tip who I want, should I let the cruise line give my tips out?
I've seen the arguments go on and on and on with the people on both sides of the argument bitterly divided.
The truth is there is no easy answer to the topic, tipping always has and always will be, (for the British market at least), a personal subject. Now, I've written at length in the past on both sides of this argument and to be honest I'm still not sure where I stand on it but I thought it might be fun today if I put together a, (fairly), tongue in cheek guide on how to avoid tipping on your next cruise.