My random week

May Nan used to be fond of her little sayings any time anything strange happened to her.
"There's nowt queer as folk"
or
"It takes all sorts".
After some of the people I've spoken to this week I'm starting to think she may have had a point.

The problem with airplanes

A passenger of mine recently sent me an email about some engineers reports who had been sent in by the pilots when they had noticed a problem with the plane.
As the weekends fast approaching I thought I'd share some of them with you to bring you a bit of a smile before Saturday gets here.

Happy cruising

Unwanted souvenirs

We've all been there. Caught up in a haze of good times and enjoyment we've bought some strange little souvenir from some dodgy street vendor thinking,
'Ooh that'll look nice on the mantle piece.'
Only to get home to realise we've bought, well lets face it, trash.
Well no more! Playing around on the Internet earlier I found the perfect use for all those useless souvenirs you've been stockpiling. In fact after looking at some of these pictures you may decide you don't need to go on holiday at all!

I'm starting the trend off with these pictures I've found here but if you think you can beat them then feel free to send me your pictures and I'll publish them all here for you.

Happy cruising

Lifes imponderable questions

I was speaking to a customer yesterday who had booked a cruise with me a couple of weeks ago. He'd checked the price of the cruise yesterday out of curiosity, only to find the cabin grade he had booked had dropped in price by £50 per person. It wasn't a lot but it was annoying for him so I called the cruise line to see if they would honour the new price for him.
Surprise surprise they wouldn't!
My customer was a little disapointed but understood and wondered why a cruise always seemed to drop in price after he'd booked it.
"Oh well, just one of lifes imponderable questions I guess" , he said.

Well to cheer him and all you up on a Monday morning I thought I'd put together a list of other imponderable questions.......

Name your own cruise ship.........

It's a busy time at the moment in the cruising world. We're all getting ready for the cruises 2012 release, there's new ships being launched this summer, with the gossip being there's going to be even more for 2013 and 2014. All the new ships for 2011 have been named now;
The Seabourn Quest,
The Celebrity Silhouette,
And the Costa Favolosa just to name a few. Most of the ships for 2012, 2013 and 2014 though have yet to be named, so.......

How much fuel does a cruise ship use?

A client asked me the other day how much fuel a cruise ship uses on an average voyage compared to his car. I wasn’t sure what to tell him as it wasn’t a question I’d ever been asked before but I went away and did some rough, (very rough), maths work to try and calculate it for him.

You can check out the results below, (the maths is very rough so feel free to correct me if you can).

Cruise Line Livery's

A customer of mine has just come back from a cruise onboard the NCL Jade. It was the first time he'd booked a cruise onboard an NCL ship and he had a fantastic time. One comment he did make however was that he couldn't get over the colour schemes onboard. He, in his own words,

"Couldn't believe how garish it all was."

It's true that NCLs colour schemes do take some getting used too but I've always thought they modern and fun.

The other comment my customer made was that it wasn't just the inside of the ship, but the outside as well that suffered from NCLs love of colour. For anyone who has never seen the Jade I've enclosed a picture here for you on the above.
Again, I think NCL's colour schemes are great and really make their ships stand out.
But not as much as some others.....................

19 days to go!

Only 19 days now! We’re down to the teens now. Something a bit more cheerful for you today. Read on for your advent treat. Try not to groan too much………

My Top Ten Pumpkin Carvings

So, how was everybodys weekend? It's been a busy one at my house over the last couple of days. Harry, my two year old son, no doubt inspired by all the Halloween themed cartoons that have been on recently, has been nagging me to make some pumpkin carvings with him. The house is now littered with failed attempts of carved pumpkins, although my efforts at a Bobba Fett and a Spiderman pumpkin were most successful in my opinion. I know it's meant to be more of an American thing, but there was something very funny about watching Harry's face the first time he reached into the pumpkin to scoop out the innards.
Anyway in preparation of Halloween next week I have compiled my top ten favourite pumpkin carvings for you.

Take a look, see which ones you prefer, you've a week to practise, master and post your pictures back here.

A Cruise Joke for You

A blonde walks into a travel agents shop and asks for a last minute deal on a cruise ship.
“Certainly Madame” said the travel agent, “we have a fantastic deal on the P&O ship Ventura for just £1199 a person. It’s sailing out of……”
“Nope, that’s far too much; I’m looking for something much cheaper”
“Ok”, said the travel agent, “If I fly you to Malaga we could put you on a Royal Caribbean ship for just……”
“Oh no”, said the blonde, “I don’t want to fly; it has to be sailing from the UK”.
“Hmmm, well in that case,” said the travel agent, “we’ve currently got a great deal with Fred Olsen, sailing from Liverpool for ju………
“Err, no! I don’t want to have to sail from Liverpool, I wanted Southampton!”
With this final demand, the travel agent, losing his temper, picked the blonde woman up, shoves her in a giant inflatable ring and throws her in the river, (which was conveniently located just behind his shop).
The blonde spends several hours serenely floating down river, before arriving at some rapids where she is bumped, bounced, thrown around and generally soaked through. Arriving at a relatively calm patch of water she pulls up along side another blonde in a similar inflatable rubber ring.
“Wow, it’s a bit choppy isn’t it?”
“Yes”, replied the second blonde, “It was just like this when I came last year as well”.


Happy Cruising

Cheap Flights

A client forwarded this to me the other day and I have to admit it made me smile. If anyone has ever tried to book cheap flights on the internet they’ll know exactly what these ladies are talking about.
Enjoy.
PS May contain mild language; please use caution when clicking the read more button.

Top ten ways you can tell you’re on a three star cruise ship……………………………

1. When the beggars at the different ports see you disembarking and offer you money.
2. When the McDonalds you buy on shore is better than the food onboard.

3. There’s a fork in the sugar bowl.
4. You booked your cruise by saving up coupons from the Sun.
5. You can have the lights on in your room or the TV Not both at the same time. Electricity isn’t free you know.
6. You can’t find any named brand anything onboard.
7. Your fellow passengers are outraged that the cruise wasn’t the same price it was two years ago. (Actually, not sure that ones limited to three star cruises).
8. The last time you saw this many Burberry Base ball caps was………..well never actually.
9. Surely not even Mr. T wears that much gold jewellery?
10. This is a good cruise ‘innit?’

This is obviously meant a bit tongue in cheek, there’s nothing wrong with three star cruises but I would be interested in seeing how big we can get these lists. Let’s see how many more you can come up with here.

Happy cruising

Top ten ways you can tell you’re on a six star luxury cruise ship…………………

1. Anything advertised as ‘on sale’ still seems to cost roughly the same as the national debt of a small third world country.

2. Everyone around you seems to have names like Tarquin or Perciville.
3. You've overheard someone using the phrase “Do you know who I am?”
4. The person sitting next to you at dinner has gone into ‘frugal mode’ because their spending money has just dipped below £20,000.
5. Frugal mode means buying one diamond bracelet in the onboard shops instead of two.
6. When people fill out the passenger satisfaction survey you see them laughing because the "Annual Income" box only goes up to £250,000 a year.
7. All the people on the ship seem to have 'People'....
8. You’re sitting at a table for 8 and the two six year olds you’re sitting with know what a hostile take-over is.
9. The people next to you own a controlling stake of the cruise ship you’re travelling on.
10. People are playing monopoly with real money.

Happy Cruising

Top ten ways you can tell your on an Italian cruise ship…………………………

1. You can have a conversation with a stranger comprised entirely of facial expressions, hand gestures and no words.

2. Someone you’ve just met invites you to come and stay at their house next year.
3. Posted schedules, hours of operation, etc mean absolutely nothing.
4. Someone tells you how they’ve quit drinking coffee – They now only have five cups a day.
5. Eating dinner before 9:00pm instantly labels you as a tourist.
6. You can’t remember what food tastes like that doesn’t include either mozzarella, pesto, garlic or tomatoes. (Actually stick all of those together and that sounds quite nice).
7. Everything stops onboard, and I mean everything if Italy are playing football.
8. You receive a bill and the waiters name and cabin number are on the back of it.
9. A glass of wine costs less than a glass of coke.
10. When you’re sitting on the balcony and the man in the next balcony is singing at the top of his lungs. At 7:30 in the morning. Naked.

Happy Cruising

Top ten ways to tell you’re on an American cruise ship…………..

1. A pizza can be delivered to your cabin faster than the doctor can get there.

2. People are ordering double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke
3. Everyone you pass by says "hey, how are you?" and then keeps on walking.
4. The metric system is non-existent, and unintelligible to most Americans, however Cola is still sold by the litre.
5. There isn’t actually any Americans onboard, just Irish-Americans, Italian-Americans, German-Americans, Swiss-Americans, Swedish-Americans, Jewish-Americans, African-Americans, Mexican-Americans etc...
6. All the waiting staff will end a conversation with “y’all have a nice day now” but not actually care.
7. You can watch the international news section on the ship TV’s and come away a lot more knowledgeable about the latest results of American Idol and what the scores were in last nights football game. (I won’t even start on American football, where would I begin?).
8. The smallest portions of food available are what we Brits would call ‘Super Sized’.
9. Every time you order a cup of tea the waiter ends up throwing it overboard. (This can be an even worse problem if you happen to be docked in Boston).
10. Every time you order chips with your dinner you end up with a big bowl of Doritos.

I know I said top ten but I’ve just thought of this one and thought it definetley needed including.

11. Gratuities. Enough said.



Happy Cruising

Top ten ways to tell you’re on a British Cruise ship………………

1. Everyone knows how to (correctly) pronounce Edinburgh, Buckinghamshire, Welwyn Garden City, Loughborough and Gloucester.

2. Tea is a drink and a meal.
3. Everyone has brought at least 5 umbrellas and 3 overcoats, even though the cruise is in the Caribbean.
4. Talking about the weather is a perfectly acceptable way to start a conversation at dinner/in a bar/with a random stranger on deck.
5. You will know what a chav is and how to spot one – “on my cruise ship, how dare they!”
6. You've been referred to as "mate" by at least 500 people, 75% of whom you don't know.
7. You will assume every one in a foreign port is only speaking a foreign language to spite you. You can’t understand why they can’t understand you when you speak loudly and slowly.
8. You will complain loudly and vehemently if there isn’t a kettle in your room.
9. Queuing isn’t something you just do. It’s a way of life.
10. The buffet will be left unattended but they chain the pens to the pursers desk.

This is obviously meant  a bit tounge in cheek, but I'd be intrested in seeing how big we can get the list. Lets see how many more you can come up with here.

Happy Cruising.

A Very British Cruise

A regular passenger called me up yesterday and said they were fed up of all these foreign cruise ships and wanted me to book them a 'proper' British cruise.
Well that didn't take to much thought, P&O instantly jumped to mind or possibly even Fred Olsens.
It was last night though, mulling their request over in bed, I know, I know, I spend too much time thinking about cruising, that it hit me. What had I actually booked them?

Which Passenger are You?

Thanks have to go to Moss Travel TV, a Ships Cat member of our forums who posted this last month. I've only just read it and thought it was hilarious, so come on , be honest which one are you. And please don't get offended it's just a bit of tounge in cheek humour.

Political Correctness Gone Mad

I was at nursery last Saturday with my little lad and just before we leave there the Nursery Nurse always does song time. Harry wanted to sing Baa Baa Black Sheep, but I was told he couldn’t as it wasn’t considered politically correct anymore. I’m sure you’ve all heard this before now, but walking home it did get me think about what kind of country we would be living in now if we’d had political correctness from the year dot.

With a perfect sense of timing one of my friends emailed me the following script on Saturday night. I thought you may all find it worth a look.
Political correct cruising as it could have been…………

Americans, you gotta love em!

As you can imagine I get sent loads of junk emails from friends, anything regarding cruises or ships always gets forwarded on to me. The following though really tickled me. It is the transcript of an actual radio conversation of a US Naval ship and the Canadians, off the coast of Newfoundland, Oct 95. Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10-10-95: