The problem with airplanes

A passenger of mine recently sent me an email about some engineers reports who had been sent in by the pilots when they had noticed a problem with the plane.
As the weekends fast approaching I thought I'd share some of them with you to bring you a bit of a smile before Saturday gets here.

Happy cruising

Problem - Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
Solution - Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

Problem - Test flight ok, except autoland very rough
Solution - Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

Problem - No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
Solution - No. 2 propeller seepage normal. No.s 1, 3 and 4 lack normal seepage.

Problem - Something loose in cockpit.

Solution - Something tightened in cockpit.

Problem - Dead bugs on windshield.
Solution - Live bugs on backorder.

Problem - Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent.
Solution -  Cannot reproduce problem on the ground.

Problem - Evidence of a leak on right main landing gear.
Solution - Evidence removed.

Problem - DME volume unbelievably loud.
Solution - DME volume set to a more believable level.

Problem - Friction lock s cause throttle levers to stick.
Solution - That's what they are there for!

Problem - IFF inoperative
Solution - IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

Problem - Suspected crack in windscreen
Solution - Suspect you're right

Problem - Number 3 engine missing.
Solution - Engine found on right wing after brief search

Problem - Aircraft handles funny
Solution - Aircraft warned to "straighten up, fly right and be serious."

Problem - Target radar hums
Solution - Reprogrammed target radar with words.

Problem - Mouse in cockpit.
Solution - Cat installed.